The Lightening Tree

Many things are vexing me right now, I have had a day of numerous things going wrongly. What is currently bothering me, although not as much as others, is the new group of girls who have set up camp here. I don’t know where they’re from but they speak some European language. Clearly they come from one of those big, busy places, seeing as they have no sense of personal space. Three times they have walked into my personal space, very close (the space between my van door and doormat) while I am sitting in the doorway. They pass a foot in front of me, when there is ample space around, and pay no attention to me. It is making me feel very uncomfortable and I’d rather they just sodded off. That would please me right now. It just isn’t… socially right! 

They come so near I expect them to talk to me, but they don’t, and when I send them off with a displeased expression, they don’t seem to notice. Weird. Also, I have spent my evening repairing my fucked internet. I have shouted and ranted a great deal but several hours later, by pure dumb luck, I have fixed it. I was about to call Vodafone, for I thought shouting at something might cool my temper.

Here’s the thing that really got me today. I was very tired, but not for long, something woke me up completely. Too completely.

I had been out picking cherries on a cherry picker as usual. No one believed me at afternoon teatime when I said I had been electrecuted by a tree - twice. 

“Oh no,” they all said, “That can’t happen. Wood doesnt conduct, we learnt that at school.” 

To which I replied, 

“It seems it can, and it just did. Twice.”

Power lines, the strong kind that buzz, had sagged into the topmost point of the tree I was picking from. When I seized a branch to pull it foward, it gave me the biggest shock I’ve ever felt. It was definitely an electric shock; the kind that makes you shudder and jerk. I blamed it on the heat of the day, my imagination, muscle spasm, static from the machine perhaps, and tried to assure myself that I was being absurd. I looked at the tree. It was just a tree, I said to myself, don’t be ridiculous. A minute later, I tentatively reached for the same branch with one hand, to reassure myself that I had imagined it. 

It happened again, and this time I screamed. Lindsay drove past on a tractor minutes later, and I asked him if it was possible to be electecuted by a tree. “No, it’s not.” he said simply. Then he looked up, and it was he who noticed the power lines brushing the branches. Excellent, I thought. I asked a few people if I should worry or not. 

“Oh yes!” said a few, “You could have died! That’s very dangerous, very serious!” This did little to calm my nerves. I was quivering all over, but probably from my growing fear. Others tried to tell me that it was just static from the machine I was working on, like how a car can shock you when you get out of it. I tried to explain that it was obviously not the machine, it was definitely the tree, and that I can tell the difference between static electricity and a painful proper shock.

It just bothered me that no one believed me. I know it sounds absurd, but it happened I say! I had all sorts of explanations about how currents flow, which made little sense to me, but I couldn’t help but thinking that had it not been for the tree being deep in the ground, the rubber tyres of the machine, or my thick boots, that my day might have turned out a lot worse. I may not even be here writing this, my dear reader! I came to the conclusion that the wood obviously had moisture in it, and that is how it conducted electricity.

Tonight, I have been informed, there will be a lunar eclipse. Looks like ths weird day will end with something else unusual. Until next time my dainty dears, toodle-pip!